My Joys: Props to me

I'll never learn how to upload these in the order I want...but who cares...this with long hair is my before...(duh) and above are 3 shots I took within minutes of each other of my after...weird how different I can look within minutes of picture taking...

I am a blubbering fool lately...chalk it up to being alone without my companion...perhaps some postpartum blues...scared of moving....anyway, I have so many people here that are "here for me" and I have my girls...but it's not filling this void in my heart...I just have this terrible ache in my chest...and side...and I have no appetite...I try to eat...I do eat but not enough for a nursing mom...I can tell it's taking a toll on me...I see it in my eyes...ugh. Anyway, I am trying hard though to be a JOLLY GOOD MAMA...I am loading my mind with uplifting positive phrases, encouraging talks from prophets and apostles...and it's really what gets me thru...that and talking to Mike....but even then I ache there too...that so close but so far away feeling....ugh.

I read last night how being angry is an "easy way out"... I have really done well with my girls given my helpmate is gone...and I see the Lord's hand in guiding me. I just don't quite yet know how he's guiding this pit in my heart...but when Mike comes back perhaps I'll know....soooo know why the scriptures teach us it is not good for man to be alone with out the woman and vice versa...This isn't the first time Mike's left for a period of time for work...the timing though on each occasion has been when I've been pregnant or in this case just delivered a baby...I don't want to sound selfish or given props if it's not deserved but as I see it...and I could be wrong...but I have every right to feel every emotion under the sun over him being gone...warranted or not....and then we can chalk it up to plain ole "ah amy just had a baby and she's alone with 5 kids and left to pack crap as well"...and I am doing it fairly well and trying my damnedest to do it with a strong face and with all the courage I can muster... but I am losing it fast...stinkin sucks.

Nana Holly taught me Papa Holly's famous phrase...IF YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT DO IT... AND IF YOU CAN'T FORGET IT...so I can pray and hope for the best....I go to bed and get this goodnight sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and I cycle all over again...lol...but I am giddy for today...it's the Sabbath and I am going to church ...ON TIME and I will load up on all the strength from there I can to get me thru the week...I am thankful for FAITH...ya know if we just had faith the size of a grain of a mustard seed we could move mountains...so given that...I know with my faith I can at least handle this small moment of time without Mike...and help him by packing and doing/being my BEST...I can do it!

Church today was amazing. One of those Sunday's where you KNOW Heavenly Father was aware of your needs and suffering and desires and EVERYTHING I heard applied to lift me up and encourage me and wow...it has been a good day! I am really tired though and losing it a tad with the kids...but my body is feeling the affects of not being so tense and that may not make sense but I just don't feel so good. I can't wait for bedtime!